Behold the exceptional cuteness. Also note that Jake (the little black dog) kicks Kiwi (the German Shepherd) off of the big bed, which I put down *for her.* He is cute but naughty, that one.

In fairness, Jake isn’t afraid of cameras. He’s afraid of the flash. So much so he used to leave the room when a cell phone came out, because one time I took a picture of him with a phone and it flashed.

Does not like lightning. Does not like flashlights. Does not like cameras.

Lately he’s been willing to be in the same room as a camera, as evidenced by the following photos of tragilarity.

Not loving it.

Nope.

Cuter than Jake? This gets the Jake Hoke Skeptical Glance (TM).





Mmmm… Dunno about that one…

I am too lazy to write, so I`ll post pictures instead. Self-indulgent good times!

I`m startled to insanity by this crappy green-eye fix!

This is a kitten that showed up on my back porch in Winston-Salem right before I came to visit my family in Raleigh. I decided to foster him until I could find him a forever home because he was really friendly and outgoing, and got along with Jake (cutest thing ever, pictures were taken), but he harbored many secrets, including ear mites, an upper respiratory infection, a tendency to nurse on earlobes and fingertips at 3 AM (with teeth!) and the ability to double in size in two weeks.

Regardless, I gave him many names that didn’t stick (Matthew for medical records, Speedo for common use due to his white bathing-suit marking, although you had to say it SPEEE-DOWWW!) and took him to the vet. I was 50/50 on whether to keep him or rehome him, so I put up exactly one flyer with this picture. Exactly one kind family saw through the terrifying green-eye fix and gave me a call, and today he is with them. Tomorrow I call them to see if they’ve discovered the 3 AM secret yet.

Maybe this doesn’t interest you. Maybe you were lured by staggerlee’s post and did not expect to stumble into suck. In that case I give you a picture of Bruce Campbell:

Picture of Bruce Campbell make everything betta

I used to be kinda smart. Kinda. Then I got a dog, and whenever I`m around him my brain turns to goo. His name is Jake. I very rarely call him Jake. I call him Scalliwag, Polliwog, Kingly King Dog, Square Face and Baby Seal Face (`cause he looks like a baby seal, and whenever I say this a kind of dog-owner Tourette’s kicks in and I have to say “Baby Seal, not Navy SEAL,” like I`m Fezzik). I also call him “Presh” and “Spesh,” which is David-Spade-speak for “precious” and “special” (oooh, I`m making myself naush). He also flops on the floor in protest when he thinks I`m leaving for the day, at which point I call him “Floppin` Presh.”

I wish I were making this up.

Cutest dog ever. Look at da tootsis!

But the real problem is the singing. I sing to my dog all the time — when I come home, when we’re playing fetch, when he’s taking a duke — it doesn’t matter. What follows is a partial listing of the songs I sing to Jake, in descending order of frequency:

• Theme from “The A-Team” – (it goes like “Jake the dog! Jake THE dog. Jake the DO-OG! Ja-a-ake the dog!”)
• Theme from “The Tonight Show” – (“It’s Jake the do-og. It’s-a Jake-a the dog!”)
• Flatt & Scruggs` “Salty Dog” – (“Let me be your softy dog, or I won’t be your man at all.” Doesn’t make sense, but I sing it anyway)
• Rich Mullins` “Our God is an Awesome God” – (“Our dog is an awesome dog”, natch)
• Theme from “Law & Order” – (Just the first part, before it starts sounding like the theme from “Quantum Leap.” Replace every note with “dog” and you got it: “Dog DOG. Dog-dog-dog-dog DOOOOOOG. Dog DOG. Dog-dog-dog-dog DOG DOG.”)
• Theme from “Twin Peaks” – (Same formula as above. Melody is harder to get right, but I think it was Angelo Badalamenti’s intent that his themes be sung to pets. I`m working on the one from Cabin Fever.)

Who else is transformed into an idiot by the power of dog?