Remember that time Kerry pwned Bush in the presidential debate? That was awesome. Honestly, I didn’t know he had it in him. I keep hearing that Kerry’s better when he can come from behind, and he’s won all his races by pulling out the stops at the last minute (that’s certainly what he did to take Iowa). If this is true, then I am for it.
Here are some of my favorite moments from the first debate.
- Bush calls Jim Lehrer “Jeff.” I swear to God. It was the first time he called Jim by name. The transcripts have cleaned this up, but I know what I heard. It set the tone.
- Bush on fighting terrorism: “It’s hord. It’s hord work.” I know SNL and the whole world has already been over this, but LAWDAMIGHTY. And I think this could probably have been pulled off if someone was saying it like, “We’re on top of it, and this is something you can’t handle.” But Bush was saying so whiny and so many times it sounded like a sixth-grade girl complaining about the flexed-arm hang.
- Trying to win the peace in Iraq (if I can be so generous as to presume that’s what Bush is doing) is also “tough. It’s hord work. It’s incredibly hord.” Maybe it wouldn’t have been so hard if Bush’s people had bothered to have 1) a plan, 2) a budget, 3) support from someone besides Poland. Or maybe, I dunno, if we pressed on with getting Osama and stabilizing Afghanistan, and left Iraq the hell alone.
- Bush uses the fact that there are people in Iraq bombing us and shooting at us as evidence that we had good reason to be there. Um. So is this like, if I slap you, and you slap me back, that’s proof I had reason to slap you in the first place? But let’s take a look at the quote, because it’s so mangled and stupid: “The enemy understands a free Iraq will be a major defeat in their ideology of hatred. That’s why they’re fighting so vociferously. They showed up in Afghanistan when they were there because they tried to beat us, and they didn’t. And they’re showing in Iraq for the same reason.” Mmm, mangle-icious. Also, I`d like to point out that the “vociferous”-ness of our opposition in Iraq is not a problem as much as the “bombing and shooting”-ness.
- Said Bush, “The best way to protect this homeland is to stay on the offense.” What? I`m sorry, what? He says it again: “I repeat to my fellow citizens, the best way to protect you is to stay on the offense.” What is this, Friday Night Lights? If you want to keep your home safe, you don’t spend all your time and resources blowing up a home in another state that never did anything to you ever.
I didn’t see the VP debate because I had class. (“Why don’t you call me sometime when you… have no class.” Rodney Dangerfield, I loved you well). So any feedback from people who did see it would be most welcome.
Don’t forget the next one is Friday, apparently at 9:00 PM on ABC. Town hall. That should be funny. And maybe, oh, I dunno, some domestic issues. Rock. On.
Oh, and I saw Dennis Miller on Leno last night. Boy, does he suck. He’s become like an awful right-wing latter-day Robin Williams — hirsute, sweaty, and spewing a non-stop string of over-prepared material like Teddy Ruxpin. There’s no interaction, no off-the-cuff remarks (and Leno killed by ad-libbing that floundering Toys R Us is more like “Toys Were Us.” The audience preferred a live reaction to Dennis` static routine that Dennis had to skip his scripted joke!)
Gordon Gano + Anthony LaPaglia = Bad Dennis
