jug the jujube posted this joke, which made me happy:
It is said that the former President Nixon is considering changing the Republican emblem from the elephant to the condom because it stands for inflation, halts production, protects a bunch of pricks and gives a false sense of security while one is being screwed.
You like that? You like that? Here are some more:
Hot-air Balloon
Old software joke, revised
A neocon goes out for a ride alone in a hot air balloon, loses his bearings and gets terribly lost. He sees below him a man fishing in a creek, and he lowers the balloon to shout down to him for help.
“Excuse me, sir — can you tell me where I am?”
The fisherman looks him up and down and says, “You’re in a hot air balloon, near a creek, about thirty feet above the ground.”
Irritated, the neocon says, “You must be a liberal.”
“You’re right,” says the fisherman. “I am. How did you know?”
“Because, while everything you’ve told me is technically correct, it’s of absolutely no use to anyone.”
“Hm,” says the fisherman. “You must be a neocon.”
“That’s right,” says the neocon. “How did you know?”
“Because you don’t know where you are, you don’t know where you’ve been, and you don’t know where you’re going. You expect me to help you, and now suddenly it’s my fault.”
The Talking Frog
A neocon is strolling through his garden one day when he finds a shiny green frog.
“Pick me up and kiss me,” says the frog, “and I will turn into a beautiful princess and be your faithful companion for a day.”
The neocon smiles, puts the frog in his pocket, and continues on his walk. So the frog tries again:
“Kiss me, and I will be a beautiful princess and your loving companion for a week.”
The neocon takes out the frog, looks at her, smiles, and puts her right back in his pocket.
The frog is getting desperate. “Please, kiss me!” she says, “and I`ll be your beautiful mistress for a month!”
Again, the neocon just takes out the frog and smiles at her. The frog is headed right back to the neocon’s pocket when she cries, “I don’t understand — why won’t you kiss me?”
“Oh,” says the neocon. “I`m not really interested in women’s issues, but there’s money in a talking frog.”
Meat Shortage
A Green, a House Democrat, a Republican and a neocon are out to dinner when a reporter comes up to interview them.
“Excuse me,” she says, “What is your opinion on the meat shortage?”
The Green says, “What’s meat?”
The Democrat says, “What’s an opinion?”
The Republican says, “What’s a shortage?”
And the neocon says, “Ugh — what’s `excuse me`?”
How many Defense Secretaries does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Reports of burned-out bulbs have been greatly overstated.
What’s the difference between a neocon and a neo-nazi?
A neo-nazi gets you more at Scrabble.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Osama.
Osama who?
Exaaactly.
