The other day I was trying to relate to someone a fevered memory of a movie from my feverish but memorable youth. All I remembered was a man with superpowers who lost them whenever he saw the color red. Except maybe it was more than just looking at the color red, `cause once he was running to rescue somebody and a red sash got caught around his lower leg and apparently he couldn’t just run with one eye closed and pretend it wasn’t there. Anyway I also remembered Ernest Borgnine was in it, and at one point there’s a ship and a huge bubblegum bubble.
Oh, and the wacky ending is that the superpowered dude marries his love interest, and when he lifts the veil she’s dyed her hair red OMG drink deep the bitter wacky irony!
I see my death in Feria!
The friend I was trying to explain this to thought I was nuts and disavowed any knowledge of such a movie and subsequently myself. But such times are what imDb and the Internet in general were made for. I looked up Mr. Borgnine. I looked up his movies from 1975-1985. I found Super Fuzz.
Let’s land at the bridge that runs right next to the Statue of Liberty.
Super Fuzz! Also known as Super Cop and Super Snooper, which coincided with The Oceans` addictive disco theme song that I`d pay a dollar to get my hands on. It starred Terence Hill of “Lucky Luke” fame. I can’t get into “Lucky Luke” right now, but it was wacky and had a wacky theme song and a sitting horse and guest-starred Madeline Kahn once, so rock on little Italian sitcom. According to my profound and time-consuming research at imDb, Terence Hill, born Mario Girotti, was and is as freakishly prolific in TV and film in Europe as Mr. Borgnine was and is in America.
Terence Hill is half Italian and from Italy, and Ernest Borgnine’s parents emigrated from Italy, which makes me realize Borgnine probably isn’t pronounced “Borg-9” and I am a silly fool. I wonder if these two knocked back a few and swapped stories about 120-hour work-weeks and “You got bombed at Dresden? No kidding. I was a sailor in WWII.” I hope they did. However this movie strikes you now, or struck you when it was playing on TV nonstop in the early 80s, these two guys are cool.
Marvel at the Coppola-esque foreshadowing. How the gum turns yellow and then beige and develops really obvious vinyl seams, I don’t know.
Also, Terence Hill played Trinity in Renegade/Call Me Trinity, which is a classic in my family, and in which my dad’s favorite scene is the one where Trinity eats a whole plate of beans and then sops up the sauce. Okay, I just checked with my dad, and he says actually his favorite scene is “Trinity slapping a duded-up gunslinger about ten times and outdrawing him after each slap.” Heh heh heh.
Also my dad says I thought Terence Hill was cute. I am unable to dispute that.
Anyway, Super Fuzz Terence Hill gets superpowers in a plutonium explosion and, with his partner Mr. Borgnine, tries to break up a ring of counterfeiters who are making fake one-dollar bills. One-dollar bills. How this could lead to fisticuffs and Ernest Borgnine trapped in a sinking ship, I can’t imagine. If I were working on fake one-dollar bills and someone came to stop me I would hand over my newsprint and green Sharpie and just let it go.
Mr. Borgnine? We’re here to take back your Academy Award.
I`m going to buy a copy of this movie, stick it between The Bourne Identity and The Last Unicorn on my shelf, invite a film school posse over and say, “Hey, kids. Why don’t you pick out something for us to watch?” Then lay out plastic tablecloth to catch exploding brains.
All images stolen from terencehill.com, which is probably the best actor website I’ve ever seen. I may even ask permission to use these images. Terence Hill is still working — a lot. His face, if possible, is even more square.
PS – Terence Hill reminds me of Sledge Hammer. I`m going to have to talk about how great Sledge Hammer is later, but in the meantime enjoy this kickass fan site, Sledge Hammer Online.
